WATER BABY

 First comes safety, second comes style! Beyoncé dares to dazzle Wednesday, dressed to impress as she jet skis in the Caribbean, where she's been vacationing with hubby Jay-Z (not pictured).

CONGRATS!!! NE-YO GETS ENGAGED

R&B singer Ne-Yo has proposed to his longtime girlfriend Tenille. Congrts to them. Good Move Ne-Yo. What a way to distract the mainstream press from all the other stuff in Ne-Yo's life. You know like when he said that light skinned babys are the cutest kids . Or when he got stomped out in Louis Vuitton store by rapper Jim Jones' goons 

Heidi and Spencer Faked their Mariage

Apparently, the epic volumes of fake exuded from Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt has caused the Associated Press, an actual legitimate news source, to investigate the legality of their nuptials. In a teaser for the fourth season of The Hills, Heidi and Spencer are shown in a courtroom legalizing their marriage after eloping in Mexico. Except not really because the whole thing was staged by MTV:

A Los Angeles Superior Court official said Tuesday that MTV was recently granted permission to shoot in a courtroom in Beverly Hills, but it was done after hours — and that's not one of their judges sitting on the bench in "The Hills" footage. MTV was granted permission to film "what purported to be a wedding outside of court hours" at the Beverly Hills courthouse, court spokesman Allan Parachini said Tuesday. He did not know who the participants were in the wedding, but Parachini said court officials wanted the filming to be treated as a news event. The preview for next week's season finale features a wood-paneled courtroom with the California state seal perched on the wall behind a judge. Civil ceremonies are sometimes performed at the Beverly Hills courthouse, but not in the manner portrayed in the brief preview. If a judge does preside, it is typically in chambers during a break, Parachini said.

Well, that cinches it. Now these two have to fake their own deaths, but there's only one way to make it look real: Gunshot wounds. Meet me out back! Also, grab a couple beers. Somebody drank all mine. 

Why Mr. President-Elect, How Fit You Are [Body Politics]

President-elect Barack Obama is on vacation in Hawaii right now and a stressful campaign and glorious victory seem to have done a body good. He's trimmer than he was in August! Back then we gawked at his slimmer, more tone physique and it seems only to have gotten better. Will Barry not only unite the people under a terrific, fiery banner of lip service devotion to gays and eger hand-holding of those that dislike them, but also erase the memory of the long, corpulent national nightmare that was President Taft? Here's hoping. Above is the new pic, from arch popitical site Tmz, and below is the old one for comparison.

Fresh Prince Red Carpet Reunion

Tuesday night's Los Angeles premiere of Will Smith's Seven Poundsturned into a Fresh Prince reunion on the red carpet.

Besides the Prince himself, Cousin Carlton (Alfonso Ribeiro) was there, along with the rebellious Ashley Banks (Tatyana Ali).

It's nice to see that the former castmates are still friends.

Or that Will Smith at least took pity on their dead-end careers and invited them on a night out.

'Tis the season after all!

P.S. The film and Will's performance are getting awful reviews.

J-Hud Cancels

Jennifer Hudson has pulled out of plans to film a new music video next week.

The still-grieving Oscar winner is not yet ready to get back to work after the unimaginable slaying of three beloved family members, her mother, brother and nephew.

"The video was set up before the tragedy and she felt like she should finish what she started, but she's realized that she's not ready to go back to work," a source says. "It's too early."

Let us all send positive thoughts J-Hud's way!

Hopefully our energy can help her healing a bit.

Why Will Smith Gets Shy During Love Scenes

He's tackled everything from angry aliens to rowdy robots with aplomb, but there's one thing that still makes Will Smith uneasy: Love scenes. "My grandmother was really firm about how men are supposed to treat women," the actor said Friday at a press junket for his new drama Seven Pounds. "So for me, my worst nightmare is for an actress to ... feel like I'm taking this opportunity to get a little quickie feel – you know, some legal cheating going on!" "I just need, specifically women, to feel comfortable around me," he added. "I just don't want to feel like I'm that dude." But when Smith's shyness threatened to spill into his romantic moments with Seven Pounds costar Rosario Dawson, his wife Jada had to step in."Jada said, 'Listen, I know you're uncomfortable, but you better not embarrass me,' " he said with a laugh. "She said, 'When you do that love scene, you better show 'em what you're working with!' " Something else Smith is working on: Getting used to all the attention paid to his eleven- year marriage. "I was with [rapper] Redman the other day [and] he said, 'Man, listen. I've got this relationship that I'm trying to make work, but I'm telling you, if you and Jada don't work, I'm done,' " Smith said. "That so terrifies me that there are people's lives that I can affect like that just with little stuff, not even having to do anything big," he continued. "So I don't want to break that ... I might mess something up, and that sorta keeps me in a place where I'm really focused and paying attention, and I just don't want to step wrongly."

Obama Dividing, Conquering DC Private School Elite

Oh no, the Obamas are inspiring class warfare in DC! Elite private school attendees are mocking other elite private school attendees, and it's all because of little Malia and Sasha! See, Michelle Obama took her little girls to visit Washington DC's bestest private schools, because soon they will begin their life of cloistered privilege in one of the nation's poorest, most segregated major cities. The Obamas chose Sidwell over Maret, which is a very important and meaningful sentence if you are part of "Washington Society." So at a recent Maret-Sidwell basketball game, tensions ran high! “The Sidwell kids started yelling ‘O-ba-ma! O-ba-ma! O-ba-ma!’ at us,” a Maret parent told the City Paper. Man, that was uncalled for! “On the Maret side, that was insulting and incendiary,” says the Maret parent, who requested anonymity. “How crass!” Maret’s side eventually responded by yelling “Oatmeal sucks!” — a play on Sidwell’s nickname, the Quakers. Oh god, guys, lame. Meanwhile, no one is even bothering to chant anything at Obama third-choice school Georgetown Day's basketball team. (Does GDS have a basketball team? Maybe someone will chant something belittling at their quiz bowl team!)

Oprah Winfrey Admits to Tipping the Scales at 200 Lbs

Having packed 40 pounds onto her former 160-pound self, Oprah Winfrey is declaring, "I'm mad at myself" because she's "fallen off the wagon." As the media mogul, 54, writes in the January issue of her O magazine hitting newsstands Tuesday (and provided in advance to the Associated Press by Winfrey's Harpo Productions) : "I'm embarrassed … I can't believe that after all these years, all the things I know how to do, I'm still talking about my weight. I look at my thinner self and think, 'How did I let this happen again?' " For starters, the fact that her thyroid was out-of-balance gave her "a fear of working out," she says. "I was so frustrated I started eating whatever I wanted – and that's never good."Having slimmed down to 160 in 2006, she admits, "Yes, you're adding correctly. That means the dreaded 200." Past DietsWinfrey memorably revealed her new look on her show in 1988 – by wheeling out a wagon loaded with fat to represent the 67 pounds she had shed. On that episode, she sported a pair of size 10 Calvin Klein jeans. "My greatest failure was in believing that the weight issue was just about the weight," Winfrey told PEOPLE in 1991. "It's about not handling stress properly." But when it came to slipping into those jeans, "I had literally starved myself for four months on a liquid-protein diet – not a morsel of food," Winfrey, an admitted food addict, said in 2005. "Two hours after that show, I started eating to celebrate – of course, within two days those jeans no longer fit!" Winfrey's weight has long been a topic on her show – and even for late-night hosts. In 1990, she hit 237 pounds, eventually prompting her in 1996 to enlist personal trainer Bob Greene. At the time, she said she had wanted to bring an end to her roller coaster weight saga.

O.J. Simpson get Slapped with 15 years in prison

A Las Vegas judge sentenced fallen gridiron great O.J. Simpson to at least 15 years in prison for leading an armed confrontation last year at a Las Vegas hotel room over sports memorabilia. Simpson could become eligible for parole in about nine years. Grimacing, Simpson was escorted from the courtroom in shackles. Judge Jackie Glass gave Simpson a tongue-lashing before passing sentence. "Earlier in this case, at a bail hearing, I said to Mr. Simpson I didn't know if he was arrogant, ignorant or both," Glass said. "During the trial and through this proceeding I got the answer, and it was both." She stressed that the sentence was not "payback for anything else," apparently referring to Simpson's acquittal 13 years ago in the slayings of his former wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend, Ron Goldman.

Children Included on List of Inauguration Security Threats

Inauguration day? Leave the brats at home—it ain't day care. "Officials are banning all strollers and backpacks and make a point of saying on their Web site that 'there are no childcare facilities provided to attendees,'" reports the Washington Post . We, for one, support this. Obama scores one point in the "We hate your Kids /babies in bars" meme! But seriously, those strollers could contain bombs dressed as babies: According to the Senate's official inauguration website, , "Due to increased security and space constraints, strollers are not permitted on the Capitol grounds." Greg Allen, a New York father of two (and blogger, of course) complains, "It's like, 'No history for you, kids,' " Nope. That's what TV is for!

RiRi And Chris Brown Got Served

Paparazzi-ing is dangerous work sometimes!

In May, bodyguards working for pop princess Rihanna and boyfriend Chris Brown supposedly beat up a Florida photog named Luis Santana for snapping some pics of the two getting cozy outside of a Florida club before they 'officially' came out as a couple. On Tuesday, the pap filed a $1 million lawsuit against the couple, the bodyguards and the club, who Santana claims had 'inadequate security'. "I couldn't believe it was happening. I've done this many, many times before and never have I ever gotten close to being grabbed. There's a dark side to celebrities and nightlife," said the photog to the media. Chris Brown's attorney stated, "neither Chris Brown nor his security was involved in the alleged incident." Papping can be hazardous to your health!